


Just Your Love

by iihappydaysii, MistressPandora



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Canon Divergence, F/M, Gender swapped Brianna, Homophobia, Lord John Grey/Brian Randall (mentioned), Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:28:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28799865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iihappydaysii/pseuds/iihappydaysii, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressPandora/pseuds/MistressPandora
Summary: Claire and Jamie have a conversation about their son, Brian.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 21
Kudos: 49





	Just Your Love

Had Claire not thrown herself between them, Jamie could only imagine that Lord John would be dead right now. Even now, Jamie remained murderous. His desire to break that English sodomite’s face in with his fist was only momentarily stayed by love for his wife. The word sodomite rattled around between his ears like a dropped coin. If that grotesque word could be used to describe John, shouldn’t it also be used to describe—

His line of thinking was cut off by Claire entering through the bedroom door, then shutting it behind her and bolting it. 

“If that bastard’s not gone when I get out of his room…” Jamie growled. He stared at the small oil painting hanging on the wall too upset to look at Claire. 

"And which bastard would that be? Your closest friend or your son?" Claire crossed her arms over her chest and planted her feet between Jamie and the door. He could easily move her if he wished but that didn't seem to sway her.

Jamie couldn’t name the feeling that rushed through him, but it left him shaky, lightheaded, boiling to the brim like a pot over the fire. “Brian’s no’... he’s confused.” He had to be. Because he was Jamie Fraser’s son, and he couldn’t be _that_. 

"No, Jamie. I don't think he is." Claire’s voice was calm but firm. "Brian, he… well, when he's certain about something there's no changing his mind." She sighed and added quietly, "Can't imagine where he gets that from."

“Aye, ye always were a stubborn woman,” Jamie replied, knowing full well that Claire had been referring to him. “Confused or otherwise, I willna allow my son to be a part of this. The reasons are endless, not the least of which is that it’s dangerous.” Jamie shook his head. “John kens that and he dragged my son—Christ, Sassenach, _my_ son—into his perversions. I’ll never forgive him for it.” 

"It's not really your choice, is it? Brian is an adult and he knows what he's doing. And John's no fool. The greatest danger they're in here is from you." Claire uncrossed her arms and softened a bit. Only a wee bit. "Besides, John didn't _drag_ Brian into anything. He knew he was attracted to men before they even met." She said it quietly, staring at the floorboards between them.

The admission blew over Jamie as cold as winter wind. His fingers curled into his palms, nails digging into the callouses there. “He… What? And ye kent it? Since when? He wouldna tell ye.” Jamie muttered the last part to himself. “What kind of man tells his mother that?” And if Brian had been careless enough to get caught, it could happen again. Being caught in this time could get Brian killed. Claire might think it wouldn’t happen, but her judgement was clouded by love for her son. “How long have ye kent...? How?” Harsh demand laid heavy in his own voice. 

"He told me about a month ago, shortly after we came back from the last trip to River Run." Claire slid a hand into the pocket of her skirt. "He was upset, and I asked him what the matter was, and he told me. He asked me not to tell you because he was afraid of how you'd react." She arched an eyebrow at Jamie. "Clearly with good cause."

Jamie looked down at the floor, focusing on a particular scratch in the wood as he tried to gather the nasty, tangled thistle of thoughts in his mind. “Perhaps I should’ve expected this. I ken the family of the man who raised him,” hemumbled. He recognized it was unfair even as he spoke and yet… wasn’t it possible that Brian hadn’t had the right male guidance? The sort that would’ve helped him grow into a proper man? He should’ve been there for his son, and he wasn’t. The guilt was like a hot blade pressed to his heart.

"You are unbelievable, do you know that?" Claire squared her shoulders and glared up at him. "Are you actually blaming _Frank_ for this? My going back was your idea in the first place!" She stopped abruptly and threw her hands up in the air, face contorted with fury. "My God, you roped me into it, you arse! Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ. There is nothing wrong with Brian, and you need to get that through your thick skull right now." 

“Nothing wrong?” Jamie spluttered. “You don’t believe that. You’ve met men like that before. Like Sandringham. Like… Jack Randall,” he managed. He left out John at the moment. Before Jamie knew the man was buggering his son, he would’ve seen John as an exception but now he didn’t know where John fit. Or where Brian did. Jamie sighed, voice softening. “I ken what I did, that I sent ye and our son away, and I did it to save ye both, though now I’m no longer sure that I did.”

Claire's face turned beet red, and her hand shook when she angled a finger at his nose. "You listen to me, Jamie Fraser. Those men were despicable predators, and their sexuality had nothing to do with that. And if you so much as _think_ that Brian—or John—are like them too loudly, I _will_ cut your heart from your chest. Have I made myself perfectly clear, you fucking bastard?"

Claire’s words brought Jamie back to that barn many years ago. _We’ve both seen worse indignities inflicted upon women by men_ — John hadn’t been wrong as Claire was not wrong now. “I cannae help but feel that this somehow my fault, and that Brian is missing a piece of himself, of piece of what makes life worth living because of something I did or didna do.” Jamie took a step forward and reached for Claire’s hand. She was the most precious and beautiful thing he’d seen in his life. She was his heartbeat, his breath, his everything. “You are my wife, and the love we have and the life we’ve built is the greatest gift of my life. To think Brian will never ken the kind of love that exists between man and wife. That instead he is condemned to a life of empty sex with nameless men...” 

"John has a name, Jamie." Claire waited a rather long time before she let him take her hand. "And I don't think either of them are thinking about having sex with anyone else. Probably not ever."

Jamie blinked. He could feel the tightness from his furrowing brow. “Ye believe that Brian loves John? Perhaps he does or thinks that he does, but what if… Ye ken John’s feelings for me and Brian, he does look an awful lot like me. How can ye be certain John isna using our son because he cannae use me?”

Claire took one hand away and used it to pinch the bridge of her nose. "God, I wish I was more surprised that we're having this conversation." She took a deep breath and let it out again, then took Jamie's hand again, giving him an exceedingly patient look. "John isn't _using_ Brian. Yes, Brian loves John, and John loves Brian. John is still your friend, and he cares about you a great deal. But he only has eyes for Brian. I'm sorry you had to find out about it like this, Jamie, but… John's over you." 

Jamie let go of Claire’s hands. “If he’s _over_ me, then why is he fucking someone who looks just like me?” He sighed. “Goddammit, Claire.” John had to know Jamie would hate him for this, that he might even kill him, so why in God’s name did he pursue his son anyway? A quiet, treacherous voice spoke in the back of Jamie’s mind. _Is there anything, any power in heaven or earth, that would’ve stopped you loving Claire?_ “I dinna ken what to do. In all the times I imagined what it would be to be a father, to have a son, I never pictured this. Not once. It’s a lot to accept. I’m sorry.”

"Jamie," Claire said gently, laying her hand on his arm. "Brian is a complete person just the way he is. He is so like you in so many ways. Can he kill a wild boar with his bare hands? Well, no, there's not really much use for that skill in Boston in the 1960s. But he's brilliant and brave, and he leaps into everything with both feet, for better or worse. And he is the exact same person today that he was yesterday. The only difference is that today he's frightened that his father hates him and the person he loves. He probably thinks you'll send them both away. Do you truly wish to stand between Brian and his chance for a love as great as ours?"

Jamie stepped forward, that knot in his stomach beginning to ease as he looked at his wife, his wife who shouldn’t have to feel as if she were begging Jamie to love his own son. He did love Brian, even if he didn’t know him well or understand him at all. If Jamie didn’t accept Brian as he was, he would never get to know him. “I may wish to, but I ken if their love is even half as strong as ours, it wouldna matter if I did. It wouldna matter if there were armies or centuries between them, let alone one old Scotsman.” Jamie’s mouth curled into a smile, then suddenly overcome with an insatiable want, he pulled Claire into him and kissed her hard and fast and messy. 

She stiffened at first, her posture tense and impassive. But then she yielded, coming up on tiptoe to loop her arms around his neck and kiss him back. Claire’s slender fingers twisted into his hair and she let Jamie crush her body against his.

“Christ, Sassenach,” Jamie growled against Claire’s mouth. “I need ye now.” With a grunt, he picked her up and carried her until he was able to pin Claire between his body and the wall. His cock was already hard where it pressed against her. 

Claire let out one of her squeaky wee moans, dragging her teeth over his lip. “I’m here for the taking.” With a bit of delightful wiggling against him, she managed to work her skirts out of the way and wrap her legs around Jamie’s middle.

They’d done this enough times, knew their way around each other’s bodies with such expertise that it was second nature to work his breeches open with a single hand and release his straining prick. God, Jamie wanted Claire—always wanted her—and that want existed as a profound ache in the depths of his soul. He could only find relief from that devastating ache in moments such as these when he would sink into her. It was only buried inside her, feeling her warmth and her wetness, that Jamie could touch, however briefly, all the missing pieces of himself. All the very best and most precious pieces. 

Claire clung to him, gasping and moaning softly in Jamie's ear. Wild curls escaped her plait, as untamable as she was, tickling his cheek. He breathed in the scent of her, green herbs and warm honey, the things that signified his heart and his home. She said his name, a sound like a murmured prayer, her body coiling tight even as it surrendered to him.

He looked in her eyes and held her gaze with as much strength as he held her body. Jamie could not tear his eyes away from this woman. There had been a time, a long and desolate time when he thought he’d never have her again. But she had returned to him, each year that changed and aged her only making her more beautiful to him. 

His pleasure came on swiftly, and Jamie kissed his wife as he came, feeling her shudder around him as well. Their breath, their soul, their everything joining in that moment. It was this, it was Claire, it was always Claire, that gave him truth and clarity. He kissed her once on the mouth again as he slipped away and then on her forehead as he set her back down on the ground. 

“Ye are my light, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered against her skin. 

Claire leaned into him, her hands resting on his chest. She let out a happy, sated sigh. "You are my everything, Jamie." Tilting her face up to meet his gaze, she said, "I love you." She didn't say it often, but Jamie knew it was always the case, their love for each other a constant force in all the chaos of creation. Claire kissed him, a slow collision of lips, there and then gone, the wetness of it lingering on Jamie's mouth.

The smile faded from Claire's eyes, but the warmth didn't. "Do you suppose we could have a rational conversation now?"

“Oh.” Jamie half-smiled, raising an eyebrow. “I suppose.” The idea of John and his son still made him uncomfortable, though perhaps less murderous. He’d waited his whole life to know his son but no, Brian did not match the idea of a son he’d constructed, because Brian wasn’t an idea, he was a person. 

Sighing, Claire smoothed her palms over the breast of Jamie’s waistcoat and let her hands linger there. “Just for the sake of argument, let’s assume that no one can really help who they fall in love with, and that that includes people attracted to the same sex.” She paused and gave him a rather stern look to suggest that this was not up for debate, then went on. “Then the person with the most choice in this situation is you. And you can _choose_ to throw Brian out, like he thinks you’re going to do, or not. And you can _choose_ to turn your back on the one person in all the world who has proven himself time and time again to be willing to take whatever you throw at him just for the honor of being your friend, _or not._ You said it's dangerous for them to be together, and you're right. But I can’t think of a safer place in all the world than right here, under your protection. Can you?”

The stubborn part of Jamie wanted to argue that even if you couldn’t choose who you fell in love with, you could choose whether or not to act on those feelings. But the better part of Jamie understood the pain of being separated from the one you loved, and he didn’t wish it upon his enemies, let alone his son and his dearest friend. “Ye must ken I would never send my son away.” 

Sending Brian away had never crossed his mind, and it wounded him to think Brian thought that of him. It had been John he’d never wanted to see again, John he’d felt betrayed by. But the truth he could see now was that John did the one thing he’d never done before. He’d betrayed Jamie, and he’d done it for Brian’s sake, even knowing it would likely cost him his friendship with Jamie. John’s first allegiance no longer belonged to Jamie, but to Brian. Perhaps a wee part of him was jealous of losing that. 

Jamie sighed. “I’ll talk to them both. Just talk,” he assured Claire. No violence. “I dinna think I’m ready to give them my blessing as such, but I willna stand in their way.”

Claire raised up on tiptoe and kissed Jamie's cheek. "Good man. Maybe lead with an apology? You said some really awful things to John. And remember that God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason." Her pretty face lighted with a dreamy, wistful smile. "Remember when I first told you about time travel? And you let me go on and on, and you listened with your whole heart, even though it didn't make a damn bit of sense? You don't have to understand it. But if you want to repair the damage between you and John and build a solid relationship with your son, you need to be able to put your own prejudices and preconceived notions aside. This may come as a shock to you, but they don't actually _need_ your blessing. Just your love." She gave his temple a gentle tap. "Maybe turn off that big brain of yours for a while and let your heart do the listening."

Jamie pulled Claire in and kissed her forehead. “Aye, I can do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> **Cast**  
> 
> 
> Jamie Fraser - iihappydaysii
> 
> Claire Fraser - MistressPandora


End file.
